Star Light
by athena's guard
Summary: Kendall finds herself in a mess when her best friend surprises her. R&R please. NOW COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

Star Light

Chapter 1

Do you remember how, in preschool, they always taught you these dumb rhymes, like the one you used to wish on a star? Well, it may come as a shock, but for some people, those little rhymes stick.

I walked down the hall, clutching my sneakers and shorts. I was on my way to the gym for PE, my least favorite class. The din of noise around me crowded my mind, the echoes and screams bursting in and stomping on my thoughts. I was lost, trying to get my train of thought back on track when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Lost in a dream world again?" smiled my best friend, Ben. He laughed.

"I am surprised you can even think with all of this noise."

"Funny, I was just thinking of that…" I said, joining his smile.

"Great minds do think alike!" He grabbed for my novel. "A new one already? I barely recognized the one yesterday, and you wouldn't even let me read the back to tell if it was a new one!"

"Yeah, well, I couldn't sleep again last night. You know how I get."

"Yeah yeah. I am just saying that it is a little unnatural for a person to read a 400 page book in one night."

"Well, I guess I am unnatural then, huh."

By this time, we'd come upon the gym.

"Well, I will see you after class. Try not to die in there!" he smirked, heading toward the band room across the way. He was a member of the high school drumline, and therefore always had some practice to go to. He knew as well as I did that PE was absolute torture, and nothing- and I mean nothing- got you out of it. Even if you brought in a doctors note, you still had to sit with the rest of class and pretend you were going to automatically spring up and do something. The gym was sometimes called the dungeon, of course with the utmost affection.

"Hey Kendall, where were you?"

I quickly glanced around to see who had called my name. My friend Julia stood in the corner of the locker room, wrestling with the lock hanging from her locker. She had gotten the trick lock, the one that one unlucky kid got every quarter in PE. It didn't open. So far I was the only person known to routinely get it open.

"I had to get my stuff from my locker." I said, "And then Ben walked me down here."

"Oooooh, Ben!" she squealed. She was set on the fact that Ben liked me, which was just short of idiotic. Ben had been my best friend for as long as I could remember.

"Whatever. You are so weird." I said, "Here, let me get that." I carefully twisted her lock to the right numbers.

"23….. 44…… 6….. There." I sighed as the lock clicked open.

"Thanks."

45 minutes later, we walked out of the gym, sweaty and tired. We were really glad that it was our last class. We walked across the field, toward the stadium and the black lot. Julia was talking about how she was upset she had gymnastics after PE, and how she was probably going to have to go on a 5 mile run. I wasn't listening.

Julia left to go to her car in the front of the building, waving goodbye. I gave her a small wave, confused as to what was going on by my car.

"Uh, what happened, did you miss your bus?" I asked Ben, who was leaning up against my car, waiting for me.

"How did you know? He asked, smiling.

"You never- _ever- _ask to get a ride home."

"Who's to say that's what I am asking?" I gave him an incredulous look.

"Then what are you asking, huh? Mr. I-Really-Need-A-Ride-Home-But-Won't-Admit-It?" I smirked at him.

"I dunno, actually." He laughed, "So, can I get that ride or no?"

"What do you think?" I asked, laughing, "Get in, idiot."

"Thanks for the ride, Kendall!" he called as he walked down his front path. He hesitated, and almost turned back to ask me something, but turned back again, shaking his head. I don't think he knew I noticed, but for the next few days, he was acting really strangely.

•

I called my friend Alex a week later, hoping to get some insight as to what might be up.

"He just never acts like this, you know? It's like, creepy…" I shuddered at the thought, "He's kinda freaking me out."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. He's just usually so… I dunno, happy. All of a sudden he's turned into like, someone totally different." She said. Alex was my other best friend, and she knew Ben as well as I did. Both she and I were in the high school Color Guard, and therefore we spent practically every waking hour with a flag, rifle, or sabre in our hands. We spent so much time practicing, Ben joked with us sometimes that the equipment was surgically attached to us, but he practiced just as hard for the drumline. Occasionally, he'd pick up a flag, and it was always good to have a camera ready at that point. Or a helmet. But still, he was one of my best friends, and I was curious as to what was up.

"It just seems to weird- I mean, what did he want to say to me?" I asked her, coming out of my thoughts, "it just seems weird, like, he says everything else to me, but can't say this one thing, I mean, God, I have known him practically since I was born."

"I know…. Maybe he was going to tell you that he…. I dunno, liked you?" She was as set on Julia's theory as Julia was.

"Yeah, ok. Whatever you two say. Look, I got some homework to do. TTYL." I quickly ended, not wanting to get into the subject.

"Uh huh, whatever. See yas!"

"See ya." I said, hanging up my phone with a sigh of relief. This was getting way too complicated.

•

A couple of days later, Ben was still acting a little weird. I finally decided to just go up and ask him what was up.

"Hey, Ben, gotta sec?" I asked him, coming up to his locker on Friday.

"Yeah, what's up?" he said, shutting his locker door.

"Funny, that's what I was going to ask you." I said, glancing at him to see his reaction.

"What do you mean?" he said, stopping in the middle of the end-of-week scramble that took over the hallway each Friday afternoon.

"You've just been so… I dunno, out of it lately. Ever since I gave you that ride home, you've just been…. I don't know…. Different."

He gave me a strange look- like it was almost fear. Why would he be afraid?

"Speaking of which, can I have another ride? I have to… to tell you something." He said so quietly, that I could almost not hear him.

"Sure. No… no problem." I smiled.

We walked across the parking lot toward my car. I had been late getting a parking pass, so it was in the middle of the lot. We walked in silence the whole way. In fact, we rode in silence the entire ride, until I pulled in front of his house.

"So… what is it that you had to tell me?" I whispered, the silence shattered like a hammer through glass.

Ben inhaled a long, shaky breath.

"It… I …. I don't know if I can explain…." He said, his voice just as shaky as his breath.

"You can tell me anyth –" I couldn't complete my thought, because I was interrupted.

Ben was kissing me, hard, on the lips.

He broke off quickly, and when he did, I stared at him in absolute shock.

"What… what was…?" I murmured, bringing my hand up to my mouth.

"I have to go…" he said quickly, and then ran out the door.

For some reason, after he left, I started sobbing. I stayed parked outside his house crying for a half hour after he left. I couldn't stop, even when it seemed like I had no more tears left.

I didn't know what was wrong with me.

•

I didn't call Alex or Julia that night, like I usually did. For some reason, I couldn't stand telling them that they had been right. I was strange at first, not talking to them or laughing with them like I did every night. The next day, you could tell they knew something was up.

"Hey, why didn't you call last night?" was Alex's greeting when she met me at my house Saturday morning. I had forgotten I'd made plans to go shopping with her and Julia.

"I dunno- I got preoccupied, I guess." I said simply, hoping the subject would go away.

It didn't.

Not only did Alex pester me with it all the way to the mall, but Julia asked the exact same questions when we met her at the food court.

I got fed up with it really quickly.

"I kissed Ben, alright? Are you happy? You're both right; let's go get you a freaking medal!" I shouted, storming away from them after a half hour of them tormenting me. They glanced at each other and followed me quietly. I walked through a large crowd of people to a bench, where I promptly sat down and started to cry again.

"Hey… it's ok… this is a good thing, remember?" Julia said, sitting down next to me and patting me on the back, "You already know so much about him, and you guys are really great together."

I looked up at her slowly.

"You don't understand, do you? This isn't a good thing- it's… it's horrible!" I said, barely audible in the raucous halls of the mall, "This could ruin everything! _Everything…_" I said the last word so quietly, I could barely hear myself.

"How… how is it bad? I'm sorry, but you two are like made for each other." Alex said a little two bluntly.

"It's… he is like my brother… I've known him practically my entire life… it's like he knows everything about me that there is to know, but there had been this big huge block there this entire time. This big huge thing that I never knew about."

"Honey, we tried and tried to tell you," Julia said, "But you never listened. He writes your name all over his Drumline notebook- I'm surprised you didn't see it all those times he walked you to PE. And it isn't like he is hiding it; he flirts with you all the time and always talks about you."

"He… does?" I whispered after a period of silence.

"More then you know." Alex said, wrapping her arm around my shoulders.

"And you know what?" Julia said slowly, "I think you like him too- you are just afraid to admit it."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Ever since I was little, I'd known Ben. I moved to Henson, Georgia, when I was two, and he'd lived next door to me. He moved across town when we were 4, but we were already inseparable. Our parents were really good friends, and we'd gone to school and church together forever. The preschool that we went to was at our church. One day we were talking about the moon and stars and they taught us a little rhyme to wish on a star:

Star Light

Star Bright

The First Star I See Tonight

I Wish I May I Wish I Might

Have The Wish I Wish Tonight

I remembered that ever since, and every night I wished on the brightest star I could find that something good would happen. I saved up my allowance and bought stars for my bedroom ceiling in case it was cloudy and I couldn't see the real stars.

When we started Junior High, I began to wish something different. I started to wish I had a boyfriend, because my other friends had boyfriends and I was the only one without one. And slowly, that wish for a boyfriend became a wish that Ben would like me, and then that Ben would be my boyfriend. I wished that all up through our freshman and sophomore years of high school, and now through most of our junior year, as school was almost out.

But I'd never told anyone that. And now that it seemed my wish had finally come true, I didn't know what to do.

•

That night I went home and took a cold shower, during which I though about everything that had happened. After I told Julia and Alex what had happened, they had been great about it. We had managed to still have a good time that afternoon, and I'd gotten a few new outfits. But that wasn't the main thing on my mind.

I stepped into my room, my towel wrapped around me, still soaked, when I heard a strange noise. Like… like a scraping noise. I shook it off as the neighbors doing some random midnight project- as they usually did- and turned around to get dressed. The aggravating noise continued, and it was really starting to get bothersome when it stopped. It was replaced by a new noise, a knocking.

A very close knocking.

I turned back, towel still around me, and nearly fell over.

Ben was staring into my window.

"What the heck are you doing here?" I said angrily, "And why were you watching me change?"

"Look- I just want to explain things… and I was trying to get your attention before you changed." He replied sheepishly.

"Explain… explain what?"

"Everything… the kiss… just… can I come in?"

I opened my window wider than it already was due to the heat, and he climbed in.

"Just wait one minute ok?" I said, "I have to change."

I went back into the bathroom with my pajamas and stared, blankly into the mirror. He was here. He had climbed into my window. He wanted to explain things. I was utterly confused.

When I came out again, he was looking at my bulletin board, at the umpteen pictures of us. At Six Flags. At parties. At band competitions. At guard or drumline competitions. All of the memories that we shared together- and now… who knew?

"Ok- start explaining." I said, a little roughly.

"This… this could take a while."

"My parents are out at dinner. They won't be back soon."

"Ok… you ready for this?" he said with a small smile.

"Ready and waiting."

"Ok. We have known each other forever, practically our entire lives. At some point along that line, you went from being my next door neighbor, to being my little sister, to being my best friend, to being the one person who I would ever really like. Do you understand just how hard it was for me to realize that? That you could never just be my best friend- that I would always love you for more than that? But I could never tell you. I was the one who you came to for advice- even about guys! I mean, how could I tell you how to get another guy to like you, when I really wanted to punch that guy so you he couldn't date you? I couldn't- you wouldn't have understood. But now… we have been through everything together- but for some reason I couldn't help just wanting that one last thing- to date you.

"And then, the first time you gave me a ride home, you seemed so great, the perfect person for me, like you really liked me too- and I almost told you how I felt. But I couldn't. I knew you would think I was insane, and I would have completely screwed everything up. And then I tried avoiding you, because I knew I couldn't deal with it any longer. And when you came up to me, asking me what was wrong, I could have killed myself, because somehow I let you know, I let you see what as really going on. I knew I had to tell you- I couldn't hide it anymore. But I still couldn't put it into words. So… I kissed you… because I had no idea what else to do.

"And now… here I am. Trying to figure these things out. With you."

I didn't know what to say- everything was way more complicated than I had ever expected. And it was all just beginning.

"Wow… I… I don't know what…" I whispered in shock.

"Neither did I." Ben said just as quietly.

He leaned toward me and this time I knew what to expect. His kiss was gentle and soft, and I loved every second of it. He smelt like the rosemary bush that we had in our backyard. I felt my hands start to brush along his shaggy brown hair. His hands crept up to my still wet locks and toyed with them before sliding down to gently cup my face. His hands were strong from drumline, but softer than I expected. I could feel calluses along his palm and between his fingers, but it didn't matter. I was kissing Ben. Ben. Me. Kissing.

"Excuse me?" my mom called from the doorway.

"Mo- Mom?" I stuttered in shock, springing away from Ben, "What are you doing here? You and Dad weren't supposed to be home until late!"

"This is late," she said, motioning at my clock. It read 11:17.

"And the better question is, what are you doing here- with... with…" she couldn't bring herself to say Ben's name.

"Mom… look… we weren't doing anything wrong…. You've always let Ben be up here, and I am allowed to date…"

She took in her reasoning slowly.

"But why… why didn't you tell me at least?"

One of the setbacks of having my mom know Ben pretty much his entire life was that she wasn't afraid to say anything around him. At all.

"Tell you what?" I asked incredulously, "Like I said, we weren't doing anything. And you've never taken any interest in this stuff before." It was true too. Every time I told my mom about a new boyfriend- or any boyfriend at all- she didn't seem interested. Sometimes it hurt me, how much she didn't notice.

"Well… uh…" she murmured.

"That's what I thought. Look- I am tired of this! The one time I meet someone I actually like- really like- is the one time you have a problem with it. That's screwed up."

My mom didn't seem to have a response to that. She turned around and swept out of my room.

"What did you mean- first time you really liked someone?" Ben asked slowly after she left.

"All of those other guys- not that there were many- I just dated to… to…" I couldn't bring myself to admit it.

"To what?" Ben softly guided.

"To make you jealous." I said in a small voice.

"To make me… What? What on Earth are you talking about?" Ben answered wildly.

"I… I have always kind of… kinda had a crush…"

"You had a crush on me?" he said simply.

"Well…" I said slowly, "Yeah."

"Wait… did I just confess like… my entire soul… my whole life… and you already liked me? What… why? That's my only question… Why?"

"I was just… I was scared ok?" I whimpered, "I was just scared! I didn't want to screw things up either! I didn't want to be the one to ruin everything! And everyone was so set on the one thing… I didn't want to tell everyone they were right after denying it for my entire life!" Tears streamed down my face.

"And I couldn't… I couldn't hurt you. I couldn't make you feel bad or disgusted or upset because of me! I couldn't do that to you… I cared about you too much."

Ben looked at me, but I couldn't read his face. Then he softened, and wrapped his arms around me.

"I just couldn't handle it." I whispered, pressing my head against his chest. His grip tightened slightly, making me feel even safer.

"I think… Ben, I think I love you." I whispered to his shoulder.

"I love you too, Kendall." He said, kissing my forehead.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Julia and Alex shot my questioning looks Monday morning as I walked across the field hand in hand with Ben. It was Julia who finally asked me what was going on, in PE, while I was entering her locker combination.

"We're going out, that's all." I answered with a large grin on my face. All she could do was shake her head and say "I told you so!"

But summer was approaching quickly. It was the last day of school when I finally realized how difficult this summer was going to be. I asked Ben what we would do this summer- I was going to my house in North Carolina, and he was staying home all summer. My parents didn't really let my friends come with me because the town we went to- Cape Hatteras- was pretty populated- no matter how small. So, after 16 years of not knowing how we felt together, after finally figuring out how we felt, we were facing 3 months separation, right off the bat.

By the time summer started, we hadn't figured anything out yet, so I was shipped off to Cape Hatteras without Ben. We lived in the outskirts of the town, but still within walking distance of the rest of the town. It was a bittersweet thing, being there- I usually loved my summers there, but I also loved being with Ben

A couple of weeks in, I had settled into my usual routine- wake up around 8, walk into town to get a donut at the Krispy Kreme, walk back and read. But one day, I came upon something unusual on my way into town.

I was walking down the main road, the Krispy Kreme just down the street, when I noticed a car sliding alongside me.

"Hey! Remember me?" a voice called out of it. I nearly tripped over myself when I saw who was driving.

"Blast from the past right?" Logan called, slowing his pace to match mine, "Nice to see you back here."

I stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk. Logan had been my boyfriend last summer- and the summer before that. We'd broken it off each fall, when I had to go back to Georgia, but gotten back together every summer. I wasn't looking forward to seeing him this year.

"H-hey. Nice to… nice to see you." I said as I started walking again, my pace slightly quicker. But it was pointless, considering he was driving.

"Nice to see you too. So…" he paused, "Do you want to have breakfast together?"

"Uh… Sure. I guess…" I said slowly.

We sat down with our donuts and for a while we just sat there in silence.

"So… are we… I mean… do you want to go to dinner tonight?" he said

"I… I have to tell you something." I responded quietly.

"What?" he asked slowly.

"I… I kind of have a boyfriend…" I whispered.

"You have a… a boyfriend?" he responded in the same quiet tone.

"Yeah… my friend Ben Weston."

"That guy in your… in the pictures?"

"Yeah."

Last summer I had brought pictures to decorate my room, and when Logan came over, he'd asked me about them. Ben was in the majority of them.

"So… so we can't go out this summer?" he asked with a small smile.

"No- sorry." I answered with a laugh.

"Okay then."

We sat in silence for a few more minutes.

"I… I have to go…" I said after a while.

"Yeah… yeah of course." He said, standing up, "I'll see you around, ok?"

"Yeah." I said, smiling.

While I was walking back to my house, I kept on thinking about Logan and the fun we had had over each of the summers. To tell the truth, he was kind of like my Ben here. But I had still always hoped for Ben more than Logan.

That night, I sat on my window seat, looking out at the stars.

"Star light… star bright… first star I see tonight…" I whispered the chant to myself as I did every other night.

"I wish things would start making sense."

•

I must admit, I felt bad for Logan. He seemed to really care about me and everything, but not as much as Ben did. The weird thing was- Logan was the only guy my mom ever really paid attention to. I guess it might have been because he didn't have such a wonderful reputation as any of the other guys I had ever dated. It wasn't that he had a horrible reputation, but he wasn't as squeaky clean as the other guys who usually liked me. The robots. It was still weird that he was the one guy my mom paid attention to.

I was thinking about this as I walked to the beach that afternoon. One of the things I really loved about this town was that you could walk anywhere. It gave me a lot of time to think. I had my swimsuit on under my normal clothes, and a book and towel in my bag. With my cell phone, in case Ben called.

When it started to get hot I abandoned my post on the beach and dove in. And then the tourists arrived. The crowds of people on vacation flooded in early, all of them hoping to beat the rush that they were creating. It made me sick. I was glad that I wasn't one of them though- people who stayed the entire summer didn't count.

But once the toddlers arrived, I decided it was time for me to go out and sit again. I relaxed, book in hand, for about a half hour when a shadow appeared above me.

"Yes?" I asked in a bored tone,

"Mind if we joined you?" the voice of one of my best friends came.

I looked up to see my friends Sally, Aimee, Chris, Chandler, and Logan, who was just tagging along to even the numbers, I assumed. Or he hadn't told anyone about our revelation that morning. We'd always kind of been a group of six, since my first summer here, 5 years ago. Sally started going out with Chandler the last summer, after denying that she liked him profusely- a bit like me at home- for three years before hand. Aimee and Chris had always liked each other- for as long as any of us remembered, anyway, and Logan and I had been going with each other for two summers. But now… things were going to get a little interesting.

After a few minutes of greetings and 'how are you?'s, the guys went to swim for a while. Sally and Aimee stayed to talk more.

They both looked aghast when I told them I wouldn't be going out with Logan again this summer.

"Why?" they cried, wondering what was wrong.

"No big thing… I have a boyfriend back home, that's all."

"Who?" they wanted to know.

"My friend, Ben. You know, the one from…"

"The pictures?" Sally asked, as she had been up in my room many times and was familiar with all of my Georgia friends. I nodded in response.

"How did Logan react?" Aimee wanted to know.

"He was fine with it, actually," I said, "I didn't think he would take it that well."

•

Aimee and Sally told me about a party that was going on that night- a kick off the summer party. Their school had just gotten off, and there was always a celebratory bash on the beach. They invited me too, even though I had gotten off three weeks before. I had always heard things about the party, but this was the first timed I had been to one. We usually waited a few weeks before coming, so by the time I got there they were already out of school.

So that night I told my parents I'd be out with them and got ready. I was dressed and ready in an hour , and then went over to Sally's house. I had donned a short denim skirt and a black tank top. She was still getting ready when I arrived. Aimee joined my in wait fifteen minutes after I got there. She wore a pair of brown cargo capris and a cream and olive tank. Sally had been changing her mind on what to wear all afternoon. When she finally decided what she was wearing, she ended up in a pair of denim shorts, a black off the shoulder top, and a red camisole under it. It looked really great on her, and we were finally ready to go.

It was dark by the time we got to the beach, but a roaring bonfire was giving off light. We found the guys and Sally and Aimee went off to dance, shooting me looks of apology. Apparently Logan hadn't been as quick to tell Chris and Chandler about our split. So we were stuck together.

"Well, uh… this is interesting…" he said, holding a red plastic cup out at me. Seeing my look of worry- it was the type of cup one put beer in- he quickly explained that it was just soda. I took his word for it, and when I took a sip it was only Dr. Pepper.

We sat down by the sand dunes and talked for a while, mainly about me and how my life was in Georgia. We had been talking for about two hours when, all of a sudden, Logan leaned over a kissed me on the cheek.

"I'm really glad you are here." He told me, smiling. His skin was warm in the flickering light from the bonfire. I smiled shyly, and looked out over the ocean. The full moon reflected on the tide, and there were a million blinking stars hanging in the sky. Everything seemed calm and perfect.

Logan reached over and gently took my hand.

"Do you want to dance?" he asked, standing up.

"Sure." I didn't notice until we got to the patch of sand where everyone else was dancing that it was a slow song playing.

He guided me slowly, his arms holding my waist securely. I rested my hands around his neck, letting the rhythm of the song and Logan guide my movement. We rocked back and forth smoothly, with each step coming closer and closer together until I was leaning up against his chest, his arms holding me tight.

We were toward the out side of the ring of couples, and when the song ended we walked back over to our spot by the dunes.

"Sorry about that- I just…" Logan seemed unable to complete his thought.

"No problem… it was nice." I said, smiling at him.

He leaned toward me, and for some reason I had an irresistible urge to lean toward him also. It was like an out of body experience- I watched myself begin to kiss him, part of me screaming no, the other part sighing yes. My yes half won.

I took my hand and gently brought it up to his face, resting my other hand on his arm as he held the small of my waist lightly. His kiss was soft and light, and to my dismay I was enjoying it very much.

"Logan…" I whispered, breaking the kiss, "Logan, I can't…"

He stared at something behind me.

"What… what is it?" I asked him, turning around.

Behind me, with his mouth gaping, stood Ben.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Ben?" I asked, not yet registering what this meant.

He turned and ran. Very quickly. I got it.

"Ben! Wait! Ben come back!" I screamed, scrambling to my feet. I kicked off my flip flops and started after him, screaming as tears ran down my face. He ran down the shoreline, past all of the parking lots. I realized he had walked to the beach, taking advantage of the beautiful night. That fact relieved me and saddened me at the same time. I knew the town better than him, so I could catch up with him. But he and I had thought the same thing, possibly at the same moment. What a beautiful night it was. Now possibly ruined.

I turned into a side street and cut through, crossing over in front of the single Starbucks in town. I sat down against the wall, panting and crying at the same time. He didn't see me when he rounded the corner, but I saw him.

"Ben!" I cried, standing up, "Ben! Let me explain."

"Explain what? Why you were kissing another guy? Why should I?" He called angrily, pausing for a breath.

"Because I love you." I said in a small, hurt tone.

"You have a funny way of showing it." He said, straightening up.

It felt like someone had slapped me across the face. Hurt flooded my eyes. He stared straight back at me, seeming not to care.

Tears swamped my eyes again, but I ran before they could escape. My feet were sore and cut when I got home, after running barefoot from the beach. My parents gave each other questioning looks when I exploded through the door and ran, sobbing, up to my room. I avoided looking up at the board above my desk. It had too many reminders of Ben.

I flung my self onto my bed, crying from the pain in my heart more than the pain in my body.

"Kendall? Kendall, sweetie, someone's here for you." My dad called through my door, "Go on in." he said to my visitor.

I made no move to straighten up or stop crying. I didn't care what they saw. I just wanted to be alone. Serves them right for coming in the first place.

"Kendall- are you okay?" came Logan's voice.

"What do you think?" I asked incredulously, "Did you happen to notice who that guy was on the beach?"

"Ben." He said softly.

"Yes. Ben. My Boyfriend!" I cried.

"Really? I couldn't tell." Another voice said. Ben's voice. I lifted up my head to see him standing in the doorway.

"That's great Kendall- nice to see you too. Glad I came to surprise you." He said with venom in his voice.

"Nice to meet you too- hope you enjoy being with Kendall." He spat at Logan, and then turned down the hall.

Logan stared at my hurt-filled eyes for a moment, then took off down the hall after Ben. I could here them talking through my wall.

From Logan-"Excuse me- but that was a little harsh."

"Yeah, so what do you care? You get to go out with her- happy day for you! I had to wait 16 freaking years!"

"I at least care about her!" Logan called loudly.

"What makes you think I don't care about her?" was Ben's rough reply, "I care about her more than anything!"

"Not from what I can tell- did you let her explain what happened?"

"No." was Ben's barely audible reply.

"That's what I thought. Now I don't care what you do, whether you go talk to her or leave, but I know that she deserves to have a chance to explain. And she deserves more than you if you walk out that door."

I heard footsteps walk down the stairs. And someone walk toward my room.

"Kendall?" Ben's voice called, "Can I come in?"

"Yes." I said quietly.

He opened the door and walked it, closing it behind him. He came over and sat at the foot of my bed.

"Tell me what happened." He whispered.

"We were talking. I had already told him I was going out with you. But he asked me to dance- and I did. I just wanted to have a good time. When we got back from dancing- I don't know- it just happened." I said the last word in a tiny whisper.

"That's all?" he asked simply, so I couldn't read his voice.

"That's all. I told you before- I would never intentionally do something to hurt you." I couldn't help adding, "The way you hurt me."

"The way I hurt you?" he questioned, staring at me blankly.

"Yes, the way you hurt me." I said quietly, sitting up. I could feel anger rising in me.

"What…?" he asked me.

"When I asked to explain things to you! When I said that I love you! Even if you are a huge jerk!" With the word jerk I slammed my hands against his chest, pushing him back off of my bed.

"When you just stared through me, when I was hurt… not caring." I whispered. Tears began to stream down my face again.

"Kendall… Kendall I…" he didn't finish his sentence. Instead he sat down next to me, wrapping me in his arms. I stiffened as they surrounded me, thinking I didn't want a part of him anymore.

"Ben… I love you more than anything. But if you aren't going to understand anymore, I can't do this." I said softly.

"Kendall… I just… I just couldn't stand seeing you kiss him. What would I do if it happened again?"

I twisted and stared at him in shock.

"You think I would kiss him- or anyone else again? And risk losing you? Is that how badly you know me? I thought you knew me… better. How many times do I have to tell you that I wouldn't- I couldn't- do anything to hurt you? I thought… I thought you did understand." My hurt turned to anger… and then back to hurt.

"Ben, do you understand?" I asked him, pain filling my voice.

"I care about you more than my own life. You are the most important thing in my life. I couldn't manage without you. But…" his voice trailed off.

"But?" my voice filled with fear. This hadn't been what I was expecting.

"But I can't hurt you again either. And I am afraid that if…that if I stayed with you I might do that. The last thing I want to do is leave you… but I can't stand seeing you look like you did in the street again. The way you stared at me- I couldn't handle it. It… you made me snap."

"I… I made you?" I said in amazement. "Ben- I never would have made you treat me like that. That's unbelievable- you make me sound like some masochistic freak! Why would I do that?"

"That… I… I didn't mean it like that…" he said, struggling.

"Then what did you mean?" I said coldly. I was now out of his embrace.

"I meant- it is just something you do to me! I can't… I can't think straight when I am around you! It… you just confuse the heck out of me!" he stood up.

"Kendall- I don't know if I can do this anymore either." He said quietly, and then left the room.

I sat there, dumbfounded. He left. Left. Without… without anything. I sat on my window seat later, unable to sleep.

"Star light…" I began- but I couldn't finish. I had a feeling that no matter how hard I wished… the one thing I wanted wasn't coming back.

* * *

AN: Ok, first of all thanks to my dear friend yet2bediscovered for reviewing. Here is the response to that cliffhanger that I left you all with last time, and since that was just so cruel of me, the next chapter is coming up soon. Review, pretty please, and I will be a happy person! 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I didn't go out to Krispy Kreme the next morning. Too many things had spawned off the last time I did.

I stayed in bed until 10, when my mom came up to check on me. I told her my feet hurt after the night before, which was partly true. I had torn them up running home, but that wasn't why I didn't want to get out of bed.

Ben had left my house after our fight last night. I didn't know whether it was for good, if he had left town, or if he was staying at one of the hotels in town. To tell the truth, I don't think I wanted to know.

Logan came to visit me that afternoon. My parents had talked to him, thinking I was asleep, and asked him what went on last night. He only said he was trying to find out, and then came upstairs.

He pretty much found out when he saw me sitting on my window seat in the clothes I had worn to the party, with makeup smeared all over from my crying.

"He left." I said simply, staring out the window.

"For good?" he asked, standing by my bed.

"I don't know." I said, tears streaming down my face.

"Kendall… oh…" he came and sat down next to me, enveloping me in a soft hug.

"You deserve better…" he told me as I collapsed, crying, into his shoulder.

"But I want him." I whispered through my tears.

"I know…" he said comfortingly, stroking my arm with his large hand.

"It'll be okay."

I don't know how long we stayed like that… me crying and him comforting me. When he finally broke the embrace, I had cried nearly every tear in my body.

"Kendall- if you need anything… anyone… call me, okay? No matter what time it is, where you are, where I am… just call me and I will help you. I promise."

I nodded, stifling the urge to cry more.

"I will."

"Kendall," he added, pausing as he walked through my door, "Remember that you deserve more."

My throat got tight, but I nodded. I watched him walk out of my house, down my driveway, and in the direction of his house. I watched him through the very last tears I had.

•

For a week, I did nothing but sit in my room. But I was getting restless, and had to do something.

One morning I woke up at 8 and walked past the Krispy Kreme. I walked past the Starbucks. I walked straight to the beach where the party was. I sat down on top of a sand dune. I stared out at the ocean for a half hour. Then I left.

I was done.

•

For the next three weeks I went on my normal schedule. I woke up, went to Krispy Kreme, went back to my house, read, and then went to the beach and read. I swam too, every afternoon. I hung out with Sally and Aimee. I called Logan a few times, but never to talk about anything that had gone on that night. Talking about that was too painful for me. I preferred to pretend it hadn't happened. But I had never gone out with Ben, either.

I gave up wishing on a star every night. All of those years, wishing that something magical would happen to me, they all seemed wasted. This wasn't magic. This was… this was indescribable pain.

•

The end of the summer was approaching quickly. Sally and Aimee wanted to throw me a going away party. I told them I would be back next summer. I was dreading leaving, because when I got back Ben would be waiting for me, waiting to see me everyday, waiting to pretend everything was normal. I hadn't talked to Julia or Alex over the summer- they still thought I was going out with Ben. Unless he told them, there was no one else who could have.

Sally and Aimee ended up roping me into their party- they said I had become depressed. They might have been right, but I had had my heart stomped on. What else was new?

The night of the party, they both came over to help me get ready. It was going to be on the beach, where the other party was. They weren't sure about having it there, but I told them I would be fine with it. We left a half hour after they got there- they had picked out an outfit for me and did my make up.

I tried to act excited on the way there, but it was hard. I had also tried to forget everything that had gone on- but that was with no avail.

We met the guys there. They had come early to help set up. When we stepped on to the beach, Logan had come over. Sally and Aimee exchanged looks but went to greet their respective boyfriends.

"How are you?" he asked quietly, so as not to be heard by the others.

"I'm… okay. I'll survive." I answered truthfully.

"Look- I have been thinking about that night a lot and I wanted to say I was sorry- because all of this is my fault. It was because I kissed you that everything got this way, and you probably will hate me for saying this, but only half of me wants to change what happened."

When he saw I didn't want to smack him, but instead looked curious, he continued.

"I am really sorry that I screwed everything up for you and Ben, but I am kind of glad. I got to meet him, I got to find out how big a jerk he was, and I got to get to know you better. And somewhere in there…

"I fell in love with you."

I must have looked really shocked because he instantly began to take it back. But I didn't listen to him. Instead I leaned over and placed his chattering mouth on mine. He was stiff for a moment, and then he realized what was going on. I knew the others were looking at us, but I didn't care. All I was concentrating on was kissing Logan.

When we finally stopped, he stared at me with a look of bewilderment.

"Logan… I like you a whole lot. You are really, really important to me. And you have helped me through everything," I took a deep breath.

"But…" he said sadly.

"Yes, but. I am just afraid something will happen again. I know you would never do anything that might hurt me. I know that better than anything. I just don't know if I can take the chance right now. I would love to be your girlfriend- simply because you are an amazing guy. But I don't know if I can deal with something like that again, not now."

He gave me a small, sad smile.

"Some how I knew that was what you were going to say. And you know what?" he asked, grabbing my hands, "I am okay with it. I am okay with whatever you choose to do, so long as you are happy, not hurt."

With that, he leaned in and kissed me again, slowly and sweetly.

He stopped after a minute, smiling at me.

"Just remember that the offer will always stand- and to call me if you ever need anything." He told me kindly, "Now, I do believe that people are coming! Let's go have a party, eh?" He let go of my hands and walked off, leaving me standing in the sand as he started to greet people. I shook off my daze and went to follow him to greet my guests.

•

The party was a lot of fun. More fun than I had had in weeks. Sally and Aimee and invited all of my friends from town and everyone was really sad I was leaving. I kept on telling them I would be back next year, but no one seemed to care. A few people- Sally and Aimee included- got me going away presents.

They had gotten together all of my favorite music and only played that.

Every time there was a slow dance, I danced with Logan.

After dancing to 'Listen to Your Heart' by D.H.T., Aimee pulled me aside.

"Are you and Logan going out?" she asked rather bluntly, rather like Alex at home.

"No- not at the moment." I answered.

"Okay good." She sighed.

"Why is this a good thing?" I asked, a little curious.

She called over Sally before I got my answer. After answering Sally's curious look with a brief shake of her head, Aimee explained things to me.

"We were worried, because we saw you before with Logan."

They meant before the party. Kissing Logan.

"And we thought that this might not work after all." Sally added.

"Right. You see, Logan told us that you and Ben had broken up, but he didn't tell us why."

This was beginning to sound bad.

"So we called him. He wouldn't answer our questions, but he agreed to help us."

"You… you what?!?!?!" I asked, stupefied.

"We called Ben for you."

"Is that okay?"

"Okay… okay? You could have asked me what happened!"

"What?" Sally asked, looking confused.

"Look… just go over to that sand dune and you'll see what he helped us with." Aimee said, cutting in.

I was wary as I walked over to the dune. I wasn't sure what to expect.

What I found blew me away.

"Hey Kendall." Ben said timidly.

"B- Ben? What… did they…?" I stuttered.

"Surprise." Sally and Aimee said, coming up from behind me, "Hope you like it!" Then they walked away.

"…I was invited…" he said as if it would have helped.

"They invited you here?" All of my memories from that night came flooding back.

Kissing Logan.

Running after Ben.

Getting Hurt.

Running away.

Hearing them fight.

Fighting.

Crying.

"What…what… why are you here?" I managed.

"I was invited… they said there was a going away party for you."

"You came back. After… after what you did to me?" I didn't know how else to say it.

"I… I'm sorry." He said.

"And you expect me to just go along with that? After all of this? After you hurt me, made me practically sink into depression? You expect me to just welcome you with open arms after all of that, just because you have an apology at hand?" I was thoroughly infuriated.

"What? What are you… how was I supposed to know any of that?"

"You could have stayed! You could have called! You could have done anything but what you did!" The tears I had not yet shed came flooding out.

Along with everything else.

"Did it ever occur to you that I had liked you for my entire life? That every single night…. Every night for six years I wished… I wished I could be your girlfriend? I wished you would like me? Did you ever ask me about any of that? Did you ever treat me different from anyone else? Did you ever call while I was here? Ever? Especially… especially in the three first weeks I was here this year. Did you ever call your girlfriend? Did you? Or were you just too busy? Did you know I thought about you every second that I wasn't with you?

"Did you ever notice I wasn't there?"

I had gone from a screaming rampage to whispering through tears. He tried to drape his arms around me but I shoved him away.

"No! I can't! Do you understand? Or is that the reason we broke up anyway?" I whimpered shrilly, "I can't."

I took off running, once again leaving my flip flops.

I ran… I don't know how long or how far I ran… I ran along the shore and in the water… but I couldn't stay there.

I tripped on an empty bottle and fell, crying into the sand. I pounded my fist into the ground, trying to get my frustration out of me. I didn't want to feel like this. I knew in the back of my head that someone had followed me, but I didn't care. I knew that this should never have happened. We were just supposed to be friends. That's it. That is why none of this was working.

"This wasn't supposed to happen, was it?" came Ben's voice, reading my thoughts.

"No. We were supposed to be happy the way we were. Just the way we were. We shouldn't have tried to change."

"But… we love each other…"

"That's the part that hurts most."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I left two days later. Ben had left that night. Sally and Aimee apologized after Logan told them the whole story.

Logan was the hardest to leave. I knew deep in my heart that I loved him, but I couldn't face it right now. And I told him that. I didn't sink as far as I did the first time, but I still was upset. Logan reminded me of his offers. I told him not to worry. He kissed me at the airport, before I went into the terminal. He couldn't go any farther, so he figured it might as well have been goodbye there.

When I got back to my room, I saw that Ben had snuck in through the window again. There was a bouquet of daffodils- my favorite flower- sitting on my dresser. It had a note that read '_I'm sorry- for everything. Ever. Forgive me please. Love Ben_'

I wasn't sure what I thought of it.

There was a week left before school started. I got all of my back to school stuff- my last shopping trip with my parents before I went to college next year- in the first two days.

I spent the next three with Ben. Talking. He realized the night of my going away party that we couldn't really be with each other. We both knew that it wouldn't have worked as well as we had both hoped. For all of our lives. It was a depressing concept at first- knowing that something you wished for for 6 years couldn't happen. But we both got over it.

When school started, we were swept up in a whirlwind of things to do. Between band and everything else- for both of us- we barely noticed the time rush by. I had gotten the trick lock in PE, which pleased Julia. It seemed like everything had returned to normal- like the entire summer had been nothing. We returned to our normal selves and our friends just thought we'd broken up over the summer. The year rushed unfairly by, only pausing every morning and afternoon when I gave Ben rides- the one thing that had changed between us.

Time slowed the last week of school. Our last week of high school. We were going off to different colleges next year. But one great thing happened- Julia, Alex, Sally, and Aimee and I were all going to the same college- NYU. Me, to write. Alex to teach. Sally to become a journalist. Julia to become a councilor. But we were all together. We got our room assignments the last day of school. Aimee and me. Alex and girl named Elizabeth. Sally and a girl named Lily. And Julia had gotten a single. Lucky her.

But I had a whole summer before I went to college.

A summer in which I went to Cape Hatteras, North Carolina.

A summer in which I told Logan that I really wanted to go out with him. That I loved him.

And he told me he was gong to NYU.

The End

* * *

Ok, so this is the last chapter (if you didn't get that by the big The End at the end). I really hope that you like the story. Thanks for all of you that reviewed- with the exception of a certian flamer. :-(. Anyway, now that this is done, go over and check out my friends Olly-Babachan and yet2bediscovered. Their stories are both incredible. (yet2bediscovered is here in MB and Olly is in Naruto under manga.) I am currently working on another story, so look for that when it comes out. I am not sure of the title yet, but it will be MB, and more MB than this one.

3 athena


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